Postpartum Life

Life has definitely had its emotional and physical ups and downs since bringing Clara home.  As I mentioned in my previous post, my parents kept Eli at their house for a few days while we were in the hospital, and then right when we came home so that we could try to get a little rest (Ha!).  Clara seemed to change right away after coming home.  During our hospital stay she was the perfect baby!  She rarely made a peep and her cry was just a tiny whimper.  She slept so soundly (is incredibly noisy now) and seemed like a dream too good to be true!  (It was.)

Starting from our very first night home it was as if we had a whole different baby.  A baby with the most mind-numbing scream.  Holy cow, that girl's got some lungs!  She is incredibly fussy and has zero patience.  For the first couple weeks during the day she'd sleep and sleep and sleep (seriously had hardly a wakeful period at all).  At night she was just extremely hard to soothe.  And she poops a heck of a lot!!  (A very squirty-sounding poo.) She was pooping at least at every feeding (every 2 hours) for the first two weeks (it's a bit better now).

My first week postpartum was rough.  Dealt with the afterbirth pains and terrible pain in my legs and feet from all the swelling during my pregnancy.  I had to go to the bathroom about every 30 minutes as all of the fluids were leaving my body.  I felt like every second of the day I was telling Eli, "Hold on, I have to go to the bathroom."  Breastfeeding was the WORST.  With Eli he never could get latched on properly so I used the nipple shield the entire 8 months I breastfed him (along with supplementing with formula because he gained weight very slowly).  So I never dealt with the pain of engorgement and the cracked/bleeding mess that nursing a new baby can bring.  It was excruciatingly painful and was the cause of many tears shed.

Magically after that first bad week I started feeling so much better!  I stopped taking medicine, even though I had a 2-3 degree tear I didn't feel any discomfort, my leg/feet pain slowly went away, and nursing became much more manageable (sort of).  Since it took 6 months for me to fully feel pain-free after Eli's birth, I was incredibly grateful for this quick recovery.  I have no idea how I could handle the sleep deprivation and demands of two kids if I was also in so much pain.

Took some evening walks as a family.  Don't have a double stroller yet, but Eli decided he wanted to ride in the basket!

Breastfeeding and I are still not friends.  I know some women out there think it's like the greatest thing ever, but I hate it with such passion!  I hate all of the pressure and stress that's put on the mom as being the one and only person who can feed (and most often soothe) the baby.  I hate that you have to sacrifice so much of your time to nurse (and that it's usually incredibly inconvenient).  I hate that you have no idea how much milk your baby's getting or if they're really hungry, so you always nurse and nurse again.  I hate that if you forget to put your nursing pad back in you end up soaked before the next feeding.  I hate that newborns fall asleep two minutes into a feeding, just to wake up 30 minutes later ready to try again for another few minutes.  I know that breastfeeding should get a lot better in time, and I try to hold on to that to get me through.  I don't know if I can possibly make it until she weans at around a year.  Right now I just have to take it one day at a time.

Right after a bath.  Her cord  stump fell off before a week, and she really enjoys baths!

Eli seems to really enjoy baby Clara!  Every morning as soon as I get him out of bed he asks, "Where's baby?"  He loves to go find her and tell her good morning.  He ESPECIALLY loves to make sure Clara always has her paci (go figure).  One of the cute things he said soon after she was home was, "She's not in your tummy anymore!  She came out!"  : )  He was very fascinated with me feeding her.  When I told him how Mommy gives milk to the baby he asked, "Where's the milk?"  He loves to just walk over and smile and stare at her.  When she's sad he sometimes says, "Don't cry!  I make you happy!" and brings her a toy.  He's been a super good helper and will always bring me things like a burp cloth, the boppy, gas drops, etc.  Sometimes he gets a bit fussier and whiny.  One day I was trying to carry Clara to feed her and she was crying.  Eli asked to be held, too.  I told him I couldn't hold him right then and needed to hurry and feed the baby.  He melted down at that and threw himself a fit.  Of course then I put down my crying newborn to remedy my sad toddler first.  It's most definitely very tricky trying to balance the demands and needs of two kids at once.

He loves to lay beside her during tummy time.  : )

My mom spent two days at our house helping, then David took off three days of work.  It was so great having them here to take Eli out to do fun things and give him the attention he needed.  My sister, Rebecca, also came over a couple times when she wasn't working.  She even so generously bought me a carton of Breyer's mint chocolate chip ice cream, which I SO needed  (ice cream can be such a comfort during hard times).  I was so overcome with worry wondering how in the world I could manage on my own when I no longer had any help!  I thought for sure we'd just be floundering.  Surprisingly we did just fine this past week!  Clara did decently some nights (she'll have nights where she'll sleep in 3-4 hour stretches.  other nights i'm up with her for a full hour at a time, multiple times a night), and some days I even managed to get a short nap in!  My theory for getting by that first week was that you just do what you have to do.  You manage your time so much better because you don't know when your baby will start screaming or want to eat, so you use the time you have much more wisely and efficiently.  We made it out of the house for an outing every day.  Even if it was only an hour out, it made me feel good and capable of surviving this new life.  (Of course we had a really awful morning today that made me question again if I can really do this.  A question I'll probably ask myself many times over.)

Beautiful bouquet my mom gave me--

This picture makes me smile.  : )

Even though this is a trying time, and just today I was wanting to ship both kids off, I love these two children so dearly.  I hope I can be a good mother to them and find the patience and energy I need to have joy in this motherhood journey.