I've also been feeling a lot of guilt and worry about Eli. I'm not trying to think negatively, but I just know that the baby's arrival will be difficult on him, and that it will change our relationship. I know it's absolutely a wonderful thing for him to have a sibling, but I think it's going to cause a lot of issues first. I'm so worried about dealing with the sleep-deprivation this time around. How do you make it through without getting to nap, like you could the first? I don't want to be Zombie-Mommy, always ready to bite people's heads off with my inevitable crankiness. I don't want Eli to feel less important, or to suffer from less attention.
Things are still going well for the most part. I now visit the doctor every two weeks. At my last appointment I measured a week ahead and the baby was head down. I also did my Glucose test, along with all my blood work, and everything came out healthy so that's good. (I had to take an iron supplement in my first pregnancy, so I'm glad I don't have to do that again.)
The baby is becoming stronger every day! She'll kick me so hard it'll make me jump a little bit. I love watching the waves across my belly. It seems like she's always moving around and I hardly get any quiet stillness with her. Maybe that's how her personality will be? : )
My irritability has definitely reared its ugly head again. I find myself having way less patience with Eli's whininess and demands. A major annoyance for me now is bending down over and over again. (Because since I'm so clumsy, I'm constantly dropping things, so it's inevitable I'm going to have to bend over to get them.)
I've had my first taste of what swollen feet feel like, and it isn't good! A couple Sundays ago it was pretty hot outside, and when I tried putting my shoes back on after Sacrament meeting (I always slip them off) they wouldn't fit! I managed to painfully squeeze them in, and my feet stayed swollen the whole day. I imagine it'll maybe be a problem once summer's really here.
My biggest complaint is just a very sore back at the end of the day. Every pregnant woman should have a massaging chair! Sleep is becoming more difficult with leg cramps, general achiness, and just the complete inability to get comfortable! The "pregnancy" dreams have started, too. I've been a crazy dreamer for as long as I can remember. I have incredibly real, detailed, intense dreams most nights. The only difference with pregnancy is that they're usually baby-related. Most often they've involved me nursing the baby (probably because I have so much anxiety to nurse again after such a bad go of it with Eli). It always kind of startles me, though, how very real my dreams feel, and it takes a while to shake back into reality.
I've been having quite a bit of contractions (at least it feels like it to me, but it's probably just a regular amount). I don't remember that with Eli, but maybe I had them and just didn't realize it. Sometimes they get a little painful, but mostly they're just uncomfortable with their tightness.
Here's to hoping I can make it through the rest of the way as gracefully as possible. : )
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